Monday, October 15, 2012

Influenced from a distance.

I am unsure if I will be able to accurately express how encouraged I am.
The character of God is beyond what my mind can grasp. About a month ago I wrote a post about almost deciding to give up on this. This space. This blog. I felt as if it wasn't going the way I had envisioned it.

You know, because we all have those ideas and visions of how things are supposed to work out (dreamer meets Type A personality).

And sometimes I recognize (eventually) that God has other plans.

 I realized so clear as day my focus here, within this space, needed to be adjusted.
I needed all my intentions to be running towards Jesus and the cross and His Word and being committed and unafraid to talk about it.
To write about it.
To allow myself to let Him permeate this space.

I had so dearly hoped to attend a conference this past weekend that had a mission that spoke to my heart.
Influence Conference.

My mind was excited at the idea of meeting other women in this community that were writing with a similar purpose. With a similar goal. With the Savior leading the way.
I wanted to be there to meet these ladies that have encouraged me. I wanted to be there to grow.
I wanted to be there to cast my fear aside....and jump. Headfirst into all of this.
 Knowing that if I commit it to Christ, if I lay it down, He will be glorified.
 Somehow and someway He would make something from these jumbled words.

But, like so many other ladies have already expressed, I was simply unable to go.
It was as if the door was just quietly shut.
And at first I tried not to care too much. I wanted to save myself the feeling of vulnerability.

He wouldn't have it.
 I was reminded all weekend long through twitter and instagram and updates and retweets that this conference was taking place and God's name was being glorified.
And I wasn't there.
 But, this is where God's character is beyond what I deserve: it was as if God was speaking to me directly through all of these things.
 I read quote after quote that held instant conviction. Word after word that encouraged me. It was like all these dots were connecting. I felt that way. And someone else just vocalized it.
 God did have a purpose for me in this weekend.
 I was reminded in all these things that He is the center of all of this. And He holds it all together.
He is the one we are running after.
And He is why I continue to be here.


4 comments:

  1. I am so glad you were blessed! I was convicted about the purpose and journey of my blog as well. He is going to be making big changes around my blog. I look forward to seeing what he does with yours as well!

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    1. It was such a huge blessing just reading about what was going on! I am excited to read more stories of what God is doing in the lives of women that were impacted by the weekend!

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  2. I know that feeling, that feeling of "well, I thought maybe this was where I was supposed to be or what I was supposed to be doing, but I guess not." It kind of feels like a kick in the stomach, because then you have to realign all those moments for the future and figure out where you are supposed to be, and I've been trying to learn how to let go of that control. That's probably my biggest struggle with religion - feeling like I have to control my life and how can I possibly entrust it to someone else, someone who knows better than me, and even if I do, how do I know I'm doing right by Him?

    Luckily, there is this beautiful community that I'm slowly stumbling upon, filled with people like yourself, who are expressing the same worries and anxieties and nerves and excitement and I am with you in that it's quite beautiful and reassuring to turn to Twitter and find those others sharing their experiences.

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    Replies
    1. I totally understand that idea of wanting to control things. My personality definitely lends itself to that!
      For me, there is a peace and rest that comes from knowing that I can trust the desires of my heart to Christ because He knows what is best for me...even when I don't. And I don't know a lot of things!
      Plus, isn't that the beauty of grace? God takes concern with us even when we don't deserve it and in the midst of all our mess ups.

      Anyways, thanks for stopping by and sharing! Looking forward to having you around! :)

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