I am unsure if I will be able to accurately express how encouraged I am.
The character of God is beyond what my mind can grasp. About a month ago I wrote a post about almost deciding to give up on this. This space. This blog. I felt as if it wasn't going the way I had envisioned it.
You know, because we all have those ideas and visions of how things are supposed to work out (dreamer meets Type A personality).
And sometimes I recognize (eventually) that God has other plans.
I realized so clear as day my focus here, within this space, needed to be adjusted.
I needed all my intentions to be running towards Jesus and the cross and His Word and being committed and unafraid to talk about it.
To write about it.
To allow myself to let Him permeate this space.
I had so dearly hoped to attend a conference this past weekend that had a mission that spoke to my heart.
My mind was excited at the idea of meeting other women in this community that were writing with a similar purpose. With a similar goal. With the Savior leading the way.
I wanted to be there to meet these ladies that have encouraged me. I wanted to be there to grow.
I wanted to be there to cast my fear aside....and jump. Headfirst into all of this.
Knowing that if I commit it to Christ, if I lay it down, He will be glorified.
Somehow and someway He would make something from these jumbled words.
But, like so many other ladies have already expressed, I was simply unable to go.
It was as if the door was just quietly shut.
And at first I tried not to care too much. I wanted to save myself the feeling of vulnerability.
He wouldn't have it.
I was reminded all weekend long through twitter and instagram and updates and retweets that this conference was taking place and God's name was being glorified.
And I wasn't there.
But, this is where God's character is beyond what I deserve: it was as if God was speaking to me directly through all of these things.
I read quote after quote that held instant conviction. Word after word that encouraged me. It was like all these dots were connecting. I felt that way. And someone else just vocalized it.
God did have a purpose for me in this weekend.
I was reminded in all these things that He is the center of all of this. And He holds it all together.
He is the one we are running after.
And He is why I continue to be here.