So, while I have yet to really blog about my disease (for many reasons), I am realizing that taking a proactive stance for myself and others is ok. It's more than ok. It's necessary.
I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes six days before my 15th Birthday. That was almost ten years ago. A decade. In the last ten years I have forgotten all about my "past life." In other words, I can't imagine my life without it.
I personally feel as if I have somehow become desensitized to my own condition. As if after a decade it no longer holds the same serious consequences to my life. Even though I know the disease has held a very real emotional consequence upon my life.
In the sense that (just like many other type 1 diabetics) perfection has become a constant battle. The number becomes a constant reminder. Food becomes your best friend (in the case of that low blood sugar) and your worst enemy. All you can think about is being perfect. Your life depends upon it. And we all know that there is nothing on this planet that is perfect. So, shame and guilt and discouragement creep into our lives. And sometimes we give up. Sometimes we stop caring. Sometimes we say, "this will have to be good enough" or "this is too much. Too hard."
But, can I be honest? People living with this disease are no longer "entitled" to living a normal life. And everyone always wants that. And I think that has been part of my problem. I just want normal. Whatver that was/is. I just want.......(fill in the blank). There is a point, and I am officially there, where normal needs to get thrown out the window. And ran over.
There is no way I can do what is best for my health. For my survival. For my life. For my family. For my well being. If I keep on focusing on normal. In other words, I am NOT NORMAL. And I am choosing to live my life from this point on as that. I am going to start making the hard choices. Going the extra mile. And I am unconcerned with who accepts it or not. (slightyly ranty I know....)
Another ten years from now, normal is not going to be my concern. Living, on the other hand, will be. And I don't just want to live how I'm expected to as someone with Type 1. I want to go beyond that.
So, to those living with Type 1 everyday....happy awareness month. To my family: thanks for supporting and pushing me the last ten years to be better.
I cling to this:
"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ" -Phillipians 1:6