Remember how I mentioned earlier (alright, one paragraph ago) that there is background? Well, I really wasn't kidding. But, I will spare you the overly personal details that would inevitably be a sorry attempt to help you understand the emotion behind all this. Buckle down. There has to be some explanation.
Most stories take time. And so did ours. Shortly after Erick and I were married we began to run through the "what, where, and when" questions. What are we supposed to be doing? Where are we supposed to be? When are we supposed to be doing all this? And as I have often struggled with the "God's will" question (entirely different post) that only added to our emotional nonsense.
So, we ended up here. For five years. And God did amazing things in our lives. We were stretched. Positions and opportunities opened within our lives that we never really saw before. We have been blessed by the relationships and ministries we have been able to take part in. They have grown us. There have been valleys. But, praise God He has brought us through: 2 Timothy 1:7.
In the midst of all the growth, and I do believe that is what I would entitle this season in our lives: "GROWTH" ....there has also been an underlying tide of searching. Looking for what God has for us. Looking for where He wants us. And this has permeated the last few years.
The breakdown of my "shallow dreams" began last August. When I heard this verse: 2 Timothy 2:3-4. Yes, I'm making you go find it. And I realized that I had been replacing the God-planted searching with small ideals. A house. A new city. Maybe a dog. White picket fence. My happiness. These things aren't bad or wrong...but, I was placing more contentment within attaining them then finding my all consuming contentment with Jesus Christ. So, we let it go. Gave it back. Released the grip.
And God moved. When we were willing to surrender our ideals. There was movement. Out of no where it seemed to come. When we least expected it. I like the way John Piper words it:
God's purpose for my life was that I have a passion for God's glory and that I have a passion for my joy in that glory, and that these two are one passion.
So, we are running after Jesus. The next step. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was scared. Movement it always scary. But, Christ has promised us that He is with us every step of the journey. And I'm banking my life on that.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."